The Shark Tank (Chicago)

[Chris Shields]

Mister Hawthorn, I want to ignore all the stuff with Franchise, and talk about what I believe The Shark Tank should ultimately be about. What do you say you just go ahead, send him out into the waiting room, we get down to brass tax? After that, I'm sure you'll tell Franchise to take a hike, we can go hit up a strip club, get drunk, and see what it will take for one of those chicks to let Bobby give her a lap dance, because a midget gyrating on a stripper just sounds too damn funny to me.

[Mike Powers]

JEREMY SLAMS HIS HANDS ON HIS DESK AND STANDS UP


GOOD GOD THAT IS ENOUGH! Here at the Shark Tank, we like to have fun. FUN. I thought that I could stop your prissy little argument with some fun and games, but apparently you two care more about pissing on each other than impressing me!

From here on, you two don't talk to each other, you just talk to me. Tell me what sort of roster you'd build, and how you'd make me a happy man. How will I be ENTERTAINED?

[Chris Shields]

JEREMY SLAMS HIS HANDS ON HIS DESK AND STANDS UP


GOOD GOD THAT IS ENOUGH! Here at the Shark Tank, we like to have fun. FUN. I thought that I could stop your prissy little argument with some fun and games, but apparently you two care more about pissing on each other than impressing me!

From here on, you two don't talk to each other, you just talk to me. Tell me what sort of roster you'd build, and how you'd make me a happy man. How will I be ENTERTAINED?

Mister Hawthorn, my vision is fairly simple, and that's what makes it great. We need people who are really good at hurting other people. Brawlers, powerhouses, crazy SOB's who will go out to that ring and do what it takes to give the fans a fight they're gonna remember. It might not always be pretty, but damn will it be entertaining and effective. Everyone likes to see a good fight, and I'll make sure we have a roster of damn good fighters.

[GM Franchise]

As I said earlier I want to build a well rounded roster with a lot of variety to it. I'm talking a mix of all arounders, technical wrestlers, luchadores, brawlers, high flyers, midgets, a heavy hitting heavyweight division, divas, and comedy wrestlers. As far as entertainment goes I'd go with a realistic storylines that keep the fans entertained, divas in tight outfits, midget fights, brawls all over the arena and backstage, technical wrestling showcases, high quality and competitive tag team matches, high flying action with the high flyers and luchadores, heavyweight big man matches with an old school feel, and some comedy wrestlers to go out there for a change of pace. Basically I want to encompass the entire spectrum of what a wrestling company should have. A well rounded roster, a variety of wrestler types to create a nice mix of matches on the shows to keep the people interested, quality and realistic storylines, crowd interaction, and putting on unique shows that garner the interest of the fan base to keep them coming back for more instead of the same thing over and over again which will get old and stale very quickly.

[Mike Powers]

Thank you both for coming in today.  As you probably know, I'll be holding interviews all week.  If either of you men wish to interview with another club, I am okay with that.  I'll be in touch with whomever I decide to hire when the decision is made.  Have a great afternoon gentlemen.

[Midas]

Mr. Hawthorne... How are you doing? My name is Donnovan Midas and well... I am currently interviewing for a couple clubs and well truthfully I was on the fence about showing up here today with you!

I mean I understand you want to be entertained but winning should be everything and honestly when I walked through those doors I figured I would be able to convince you of that but then I saw that midget at your desk and figured there was no real chance!

You are probably wondering why I even bothered coming in... Well I am going to be honest! None of the other clubs would validate my parking and you are a rich bastard so I figured you would.

So what do you think about hiring me and having some fun WINNING?

[Mike Powers]

Mr. Midas, let me ask you a question.  Have you ever been midget bowling?

[Midas]

If that is your weird way of asking if I masturbate then yeah twice a day and three times on Sunday... Only way I can think straight, now how about that handshake?

[Mike Powers]

Haha!!  I love it Midas!!  You damn sure strike me as a guy that likes to have fun!!  That's what we're all about here at the Shark Tank!  Sure, winning is great and all, but if you're not having a good time, then what's the point?

Midas, tell me your vision for the Shark Tank.  I'm all ears.  But first.....BOBBY, DO THE BULL THING!!!


AFTER A MOMENT, BOBBY ENTERS THE OFFICE DRESSED AS A BULL.  JEREMY PUTS ON A COWBOY HAT AND THROWS A LASSO AROUND BOBBY, PULLING HIM TO THE GROUND.


HAHA!!  That one never gets old, right Bobby!?!

[Midas]

I have two words for you BUD!

LAS VEGAS!

We set up are club here and have a ball! That place never sleeps and I tell you what I will make a deal with you we set up our club here and when we WIN we take our ass to the Spearmint Rhino and do some blow off a strippers ass and when we lose we go the the Spearmint Rhino and due some blow off a strippers tits!

What do you say pal?

[Mike Powers]

Haha!!  Vegas is a helluva town bud, a helluva town!!  One thing though....a midget walks in here dressed up like a bull, I bring that sumbitch down like I was John Wayne, and you don't so much as chuckle, or make mention of it!?!  Take the stick outta your ass man!!  Here....take a turn!!  You know we just like to have fun around here, right!?!


JEREMY PASSES THE LASSO TO MIDAS, WHILE BOBBY LOOKS ON WITH A PATHETIC LOOK ON HIS FACE.

[Midas]

Grabs the Lasso

Actually I thought it was odd....

Throws the Lasso to the ground

I heard he has a Velcro suit and I can throw him around... Lets do that!

[Mike Powers]

Haha!!  Midas, I love it!!  BOBBY, CHANGE INTO THE VELCRO SUIT!!


BOBBY LEAVES AND RETURNS A MOMENT LATER IN THE VELCRO SUIT.  JEREMY LOOKS AT YOU AND GESTURES TOWARDS THE TARGET ON THE WALL.


Let's see if you're a better shot than that Franchise fella!!

[Midas]

Midas grabs Bobby and picks him up

Oh shit! Dude you are heavier then you look! Been eating a few to many bowls of lucky charms...

Midas spins a couple times with Bobby in hands and tosses him towards the target missing it all together

Shit! Well that did not go as plan! So yeah... To the strip club now?

[Mike Powers]

Haha!!  You're a fun guy Midas, I like you!!  I suppose while you're here, you might as well tell me about what you'd do to make the Shark Tank a winner.  At least that way, my lawyers will be happy, and we can write this off as a 'business meeting'.