Jokes - some are offensive.

[Russ]

It was maragainally funny.

[Judge]

Could you be any less funny, Storm? It's bad enough you stunk up the RK Random Pics thread, but this? C'mon.

Quit being jealous that you haven't made cake yet.

[Sally Screw]

Two e-fedders walk into a bar...

which is really weird because after the first one slammed into the bar's wall you'd think the other one would have seen it in time and stopped himself.

[Hondo]

Two e-fedders walk into a bar...

which is really weird because after the first one slammed into the bar's wall you'd think the other one would have seen it in time and stopped himself.

[pir]

[Hondo]

During a flight from New York to Dallas, the plane experienced quite a bit of turbulence, moreseo than normal. After several minutes of violent shaking, the turbulence subsided. Seeking to reassure the passengers aboard, the Pilot picked up his public address mic to address them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for remaining calm. We have passed through quite a bit of turbulence, but that should be the last of it and it should be smooth sailing from here.”

Unbeknowest to the Pilot, he forgets to release the button on the PA, and everyone on board hears him turn to his co-pilot and say “Jesus Harold Christ, after all that I need a blowjob and a cup of coffee!”

The stewardess, somewhat embarrassed, rushes toward the cockpit to inform the pilot that his PA button is on. A little old lady sees the stewardess run by and says, “Miss, you forgot the coffee!”

[Hondo]

A young man and young woman have been courting for some time. And it’s come time for them to become intimate. While discussing their intimacy one day, the young man makes a confession to his girl.

“Honey, I have to let you know…I’m hung like a newborn baby!”

“Oh, that’s OK!” she replies with a smile, “I don’t mind!”

So the day comes when they consummate their relationship. She removes her clothes and lies down on the bed. He takes off his pants to reveal the biggest, most sinister looking cudgel you’ve ever seen. I mean, this dude is packing some serious meat. The young woman looks up confused at her man.

“Hey wait, I thought you said you were hung like a newborn baby?”

“I am!” he replies, “8lb, 12 oz., 22 inches!”

[Hondo]

This hot broad walks into a doctors office and the doctor just FLOORED by how hot this chick is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts caressing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor.

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting Herpes. Thats why I'm here!"

[Sally Screw]

A small-time Las Vegas performeris racing along the highway between Vegas and Reno, when he's pulled over by a cop.
COP... What's the big rush buddy?
PERFORMER... I'm a Vega performer officer and I'm late for a benefit concert for sick children. That's why I was speeding.
COP... Sure, sure buddy.

The cop starts to write out a $200 ticket when he looks into the back seat and sees a pair of chain saws. Pulling out his gun he points it at the driver, thinking he has stopped some sort of pycho killer.

COP... Out of the car dirt bag, hands in the air!!!!
PERFORMER... Wait, officer, wait! I can explain!
COP... Explain? You have chain saws in your back seat.
PERFORMER... But I'm a Las Vegas performer. I juggle things.
COP... Juggle things? No way I'm falling for that. You expect me to believe you juggle chain saws, pal?
PERFORMER...it's true, it's true...watch.

The cop backs up, gun still drawn and lets the performer take the chains saws out of the car, rev them up and start to juggle them. Of course, he does this with ease so the cop lowers his gun.

PERFORMER... See! Told ya!

The performer then starts to walk up and down the white line on the highway, hopping on one foot as he juggles.

It's at this point a drunk driver slowly drives by in the opposite direction, blurring eyes watching the juggler and the cop.

DRUNK... Man, those Nevada road side soberiety tests sure are getting tough these days!

[jagilki]

This Blond girl was real upset that she missed her big chance to get pregnant.




"I blew it." she cried.

[Hondo]

This Blond girl was real upset that she missed her big chance to get pregnant.




"I blew it." she cried.

I think that's worthy of an [irs]

[Drama Queen]

I'm like really pissed off because I bought a porn video that sounded like it was gonna be awesome.

It even came with it's own bottle of lube!

When I came home and put it in the video nothing happened

I really expected a lot more from [spoiler]"Head-Cleaner"[/spoiler] (in case anyone finds names of porn movies offensive)

[Hondo]

I'm like really pissed off because I bought a porn video that sounded like it was gonna be awesome.

It even came with it's own bottle of lube!

When I came home and put it in the video nothing happened

I really expected a lot more from [spoiler]"Head-Cleaner"[/spoiler] (in case anyone finds names of porn movies offensive)

Heh. Nice.

[TheOuotcastLegendTheWolf]

MDK walks into a bar, and he sees Ryan Ruckus sitting there alone at the bar, staring into a bowl of chili. Thinking nothing of it, MDK sits down next to Ruckus and orders a couple of drinks.

As the night goes on, Ruckus is still staring into his chili, and MDK looks at him and says: "If you're not going to eat it, I will" and he proceeds to take the bowl form him and start eating it. He gets about half way through and sees a dead rat sitting in the chili and proceeds to puke up the chili back into the bowl and Ruckus says: "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."