Quotes Of The Week

[Duckman]

From BBC sport website:

Sport quotes of the week

By Chris Charles 



"Our programme didn't do us any favours. We've been handicapped by the Premier League in the fixture list. They tell me it's not planned. B***** hell!"
Sir Alex Ferguson questions the randomness of the fixture list after Man Utd played all the eight teams who finished directly below them away from home in the first half of the season.

"The players like me, love me...They don't come in and say 'I love you' but your wife or your son does not come in every day and say 'I love you', but you know she loves you - you know your son loves you."
Big Phil feels the love ahead of Southend FA Cup tie

"My friends have been saying I should wear a back brace under my shirt so I don't injure myself when I keep bending down to pick the ball out of the net."
Southend keeper Steve Mildenhall before the Chelsea game. He needn't have worried.

"It not only looked a soft penalty, it was a soft penalty."
Gillingham skipper Adam Miller after conceding the spot-kick that handed Villa victory in the FA Cup.

"If someone comes to me to ask about my players I will tell them to sod off. Then they can go to Jez Moxey and he will tell them to sod off. They can go to the chairman, Steve Morgan, and he will tell them to sod off. And if one of my players comes to me and says he's unhappy and wants to leave then I'll tell him to sod off an all."
Wolves boss Mick McCarthy applies sod's law to the transfer window.

"Natural managers do not exist, I have never met one. If a natural manager exists, he must be in paradise."
Arsene Wenger - not a natural.

"Jermain has got an illness and hopefully he will be back in training on Monday."
Tony Adams on the mystery bug that prevented Jermain Defoe from being cup-tied and had miraculously cleared up by the time he walked out at White Hart Lane.

"The excuse the chairman came up with is laughable. He said the club had recently received a painting of a train from Doncaster Rovers and there was nowhere else to put it!"
Southampton's 1976 FA Cup-winning boss Lawrie McMenemy gets steamed up after a picture of him holding the trophy is replaced by a train in the boardroom.


"He looked like a snooker table. He can dye it tartan if he wants."
Sunderland boss Ricky Sbragia on striker Djibril Cisse's green streak.

"I can't get it cut, I might lose my strength. I want to be Samson, not Delilah."
Phil Taylor ahead of the PDC world darts final against Raymond van Barneveld. Taylor proved to be a cut above the rest.

"If I had knocked on it I would have probably had it slapped back in my face!"
Aston Villa defender Zat Knight explains why he has not been hammering down Martin O'Neill's door despite a lack of first-team action.

"Obviously six points from four games is worth more than four points from four games so I'm not going to make myself a mathematical idiot."
Things are starting to add up for Fulham manager Roy Hodgson.

"Some of the players had handbags for Christmas and were anxious to show them off."
Bristol City boss Gary Johnson gives his view on a tunnel 'bust-up' with Crystal Palace.

"To become a knight from riding your bike, it's mad."
Triple gold medal winner Chris Hoy on receiving a knighthood in the New Year Honours.

"Beforehand I didn't even know what it was."
Paralympian swimmer Eleanor Simmonds, 14, after becoming the youngester-ever holder of an MBE.

"They were struggling to get past the safety gate on the door. I named a good creche."
Sheffield Wednesday boss Brian Laws, forced to name five academy players as sub for the FA Cup defeat by Fulham.

"I thought it was nice and cold and I wanted to keep them alive because they were looking dead."
Hull boss and part-time exorcist Phil Brown explains why he gave his half-time team-talk on the pitch against Man City.

AND SOME FROM YOU

Admittedly some of these are more than a week old - we haven't received many emails in the last seven days or so! Ed.


"I think he'll add something on the field."
Garforth Town manager, Simon Clifford on signing Brazilian legend Cafu. Understatement of the year ? (David, Lancashire).

"The full name of this team is Liga Deportiva Universitaria De Quito - a slap in the face for the man who starts the chant 'Give me an L'. "
Commentator on Channel 5 (Dave Woods I think) during the World Club Cup final. (Tom, England).

"Aston Villa attacking their fans to the left."
ITV commentator on the Aston Villa-Gillingham match. (Tom, UK).

"If you don't start the game, you've got no chance of finishing it."
Histon chairman Gareth Baldwin stating the obvious in a Motson-esque manner. (Michael, England).

"This was the FA Cup sponsored by L-Eon!"
The BBC's Andrew James reports on Coventry's Cup win over Kidderminster, where Leons MacKenzie and Best earned them a 2-0 win. (Dave, UK).

"It's always interesting to get a touchline from the perspective."
Setanta commentator John Champion during Man Utd v Middlesbrough. (Niall, Ireland).

"Seems to me like a case of plenty of slap but no tickle."
Lawro after Ricardo Fuller's swipe at his captain. (Nicky Green, London).

"In the second half we got a little bit of something back, but in the end it's too much too late."
Phil Brown wanted his Hull side to do a lot less, a lot earlier as they lost 5-1 to Man City on boxing day. (Tom, Wigan).

Â"If they want to go to England then in the end theyÂ're going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery."
Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentiis, talking to his players about why they shouldn't move to England. (Adam, England).


"What did Agger do?"
Jeff Stelling after Daniel Agger was booked for Liverpool against Arsenal. (Nick Saunders, Isle of Man).

Terry Griffiths: "This is a missable pot."
Willie Thorne: "Missable? Even you could pot that one!"
Terry Griffiths: "I wouldn't have gone for it!"
Banter during a Stephen Hendry snooker match. (Derek Grange, England).

"It was a wonderful bit of individual skill and, if you saw it in La Liga this weekend, people would be waxing lyrical about it for weeks. "Unfortunately because we have an ugly, ginger-haired centre-forward, we probably won't."
Former Forest boss Colin Calderwood about Joe Garner's 35-yard lob against Southampton. (James Lambert, Nottingham ).

"Every man in grey is being booed, particularly the man in yellow."
Alan Green, 5Live commentary on the Arsenal v Liverpool clash. (Damien, Ireland).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"He's fast, he's red, he sounds like Father Ted, Robbie Keane."
Liverpool fans. (Bob, Middlesbrough).

"England's number four!"
Barnsley chant to Rob Green v West Ham, at which point Green turned round and indicated that he is actually England's number six! (Jowitt, UK).

"Top of the league, and your sneaking out!"
Exeter City Fans to Wycombe Wanderers leaving with 10 minutes to go. (Chris Lomas, High Wycombe).


"You're just a town with a sweet shop!"
Sung by Glossop North End supporters during the Boxing Day derby victory over New Mills, home to the world famous Swizzels Matlow sweet factory! (Adrian Priestley, England). The what? Ed.

"We're gonna lose 5-4!"
Man City fans when 4-0 up against Hull. (James Halfpenny, UK).

"Oh the Sousa... the mighty Sousa... We're gonna win away... a win away a win away a win away..."
(To the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight) - QPR fans when it look destined they would finally win an away game, only for Charlton to equalise. (Saffa Michail, Isle of Wight).

"City's going down with a billion in the bank!"
Man Utd fans to the tune of Yellow Submarine during the Stoke game, while Man City were still in the relegation zone. (Ollie L, Yorkshire).

"Where's your throw-in gone?"
United fans when Rory Delap was taken off at Stoke. (Ollie L, Yorkshire).

"You're getting stuffed like the turkey!"
Reading fans to Birmingham City fans after Cisse had put them 3-1 up. (Helen, Reading).

"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better watch out I'm telling you why - Santa Cruz is coming to Blyth!"
Blyth fans ahead of the FA Cup tie at Blackburn. (Darren, Newcastle).

"I'd rather be a teapot than a Kettle!"
Darlington fans to referee Trevor Kettle during the Barnet game. (Chris Lupton, England).

"If you love Golden Wonder, clap your hands."
Sung by Peterborough fans at Leicester's Walkers' Stadium. (Stuart Francis, England).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK

"Now ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for a team who unlike Villa have been to Wembley this century and won!"
The match announcer at Priestfields before Gillingham's FA Cup third round tie with Aston Villa. (Tommy Waters, Gillingham).

"Would you please welcome back out onto the pitch, Bristol City and the best in the west, Plymouth Argyle!"
Announcer at Plymouth v Birmingham . (Dan Ellard, England).

[Kendell Smith]

So good I emailed them to my mates. I particularly enjoyed the chants some of them can be very witty.

[Laura]

"He's fast, he's red, he sounds like Father Ted, Robbie Keane."
Liverpool fans. (Bob, Middlesbrough).

He plays like him too.

"Down with that sort of thing!"

[Kendell Smith]

"Down with that sort of thing!"

"Careful now!"

[Laura]

Father Ted; 

It's so lonely without him.

[Duckman]

Back to mainly tickle the fancy of our lovely Irish ladies, Laura and Ant love these!  It's the quotes of the sporting week from the BBC website!

Enjoy!

"The second half was a crazy game and when it is a crazy game you can't control things. Why was it crazy? Because it was crazy."
Rafa Benitez - not crazy about Liverpool's draw at Wigan.

"I was having an out-of-body experience, it was so hot. I felt I was watching someone play in a blue dress, and it wasn't me."
Serena Williams feels the heat in Melbourne. Looks like Rafa's not the only one away with the fairies.

"I just thought, my eyes, my innocent eyes."
Serena on the moment she noticed a male streaker on court during her doubles match on Friday.

"This is a football club that has been put together by I don't know who and I don't know how. It is a mish-mash of players. It is scary."
Harry Redknapp's Tottenham team frighten the life out of him.

"Hull are the biggest club I've played for."
Jimmy Bullard after his £5m switch from Fulham. Miaow.

"Maybe some people need to go to church on a Sunday for confession."
Reading striker Stephen Hunt suggests the club have been telling porkies after claiming they have received no bids for him.

"I was desperate to swap shirts with Andy Johnson but I didn't know we were allowed to. It's killed me really. I didn't know we were allowed to give our shirts away. I thought it would have come out of our wages."
Kettering striker Craig Westcarr, whose two goals rocked Fulham in their FA Cup tie, neatly crystallises the gulf between the Premier League and the also-rans.

"It was traumatic sharing a room with Pepe at Barca. He snored worse than anyone can imagine and I used to chuck shoes and boots at his head to shut him up. But when I woke him up he used to return fire and I took a few hits too!"
Everton's Mikel Arteta believes Pepe Reina is a shoo-in for Player of the Season.

"The grey jumper is really in at the moment. Everybody has one. Grey is a great colour."
Roger Federer, he of the cream blazer, dishes out some fashion tips.

"You look good, too. Red is a good colour. If you're out in the sun long enough your freckles might connect and then you might get a good tan."
Andy Roddick delivers a withering back-handed compliment to a journalist questioning him on his new, slimmed-down physique.


"My favourite James Bond is Sean Connery. I don't like the latest, he is short and blond. I think I look more like James Bond than he does."
Spanish golfer Alvaro Quiros, who was inspired to win the Qatar Masters by watching two Bond films before the final round.

"It wouldn't matter who my partner was - I served like a dog."
Jamie Murray tells it like it is as he and partner Eric Butorac bow-wow out of the men's doubles.

"He will be appearing on one of those videos of gaffes."
Wigan boss Steve Bruce on the plus side to Amr Zaki missing an open goal in the 1-0 loss to Manchester City.

"Who is Kris Boyd? This is the first time I have heard this name."
Lazio chairman Claudio Lotito with the ultimate put-down after his side's purported link with the Rangers striker.

"I think a few of the lads will be getting a haircut and getting the fake tan on!"
Ayr United manager Brian Reid after it was announced their Scottish Cup fourth-round replay with Kilmarnock would be televised.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper but I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that."
Falkirk manager John Hughes after the defeat by Rangers in the CIS Cup. (Munro Gow, UAE).

"The goal was not exactly something we've been working on."
Steve Coppell on Neil Collins' own-goal after 61 seconds in Reading's 1-0 victory against Wolves. (Will, UK).

"Real got the three points but it could have been a lot more."
Gol TV commentator on the Real Madrid-Deportivo game. (Ben, UK).

"The one thing you cannot fault is their courage to come from a goal down, their work ethic, team spirit and their desire to come back and win a game."
Forest manager Billy Davies on the game against Sheffield Wednesday. Surely that's four things, Billy? (Patrick, England).

"Can United please stop scoring? I have to text my mate the scores and I'll run up a huge bill at this rate."
Mark via text on BBC live text commentary. (James, England).


"Noncombustible? I love you English dudes."
Andy Roddick reacts to an interesting description of his on-court demeanour. (Kim, England).

Simon Brotherton: "How did the referee not see that foul?"
Paul Jewell: "Because it's Rob Styles."
BBC Radio 5 Live commentary during West Brom v Manchester United. (Richard O'Brien, England).

"He was good for that one season at Wigan. Now he moans more than my ex-wife!"
Alan Mclnally about Pascal Chimbonda. (Francis Kyan, England).

"Derby are being led out by their ram, and not being harsh on Nottingham, but it would be hard for them to be led out by a tree."
Setanta commentator during FA Cup tie. (Dave 'Bic' Bickley, Coventry).

"We are in a win-win situation, or a no-lose situation really."
Ricky Ponting at the toss before his side lose the game and the one-day series against South Africa on Australia Day at the Adelaide Oval. (Joe, England).

"Well, his life also changed. Didn't go too bad. He won a couple of Grand Slams afterwards. And me, I got injured."
The ever-quotable Marat Safin, on the changes in his and Roger Federer's lives since 2005. (Kim, England).

"Look at the feet, diamonds in shoes, beautiful by Lionel, he softens the hard corners of our lives just by watching him."
Ray Hudson describes Lionel Messi on Gol TV. (Calum Stewart, Scotland).

"Bath v Toulouse - Ellisalde starts at scum-half."
Sky Sports News ticker. (Nishant Mittal, UK).

"32 winners from Murray and only 10 unforced errors - that's flawless."
Peter Fleming on Eurosport, after the Murray-Melzer match at the Australian Open. (Allan Morris, UK).


"It's quite chilly today with temperatures at 66 celsius."
Commentator in the Murray-Melzer game - I think he meant fahrenheit! (Ruaridh, Wales).

"You said they're lacking juice but I think actually it's oomph."
David Pleat to co-commentator on Spurs v Man United. (David Hardiman, UK).

"Fabio isn't an unfamiliar face, he's the spitting image of his twin brother, Rafael."
Clive Tyldesley on the Manchester United twins. (Chris Humphris, London).

Reporter: "I thought Emnes was going to score, but he lost his feet."
Jeff Stelling: "How's he going to get home then?"
Classic Jeff on Soccer Saturday. (Adam, England).

"It's good to be linked with players all over Europe."
Blackburn boss Sam Allardyce on reports linking him with Egyptian winger Mahmoud Abdul-Razek.
(Daniel Kimber, Preston).

"Where his balls go, you will be quite surprised."
Arsene Wenger on why Denilson deserves more credit.
(gunnersmog, uk).

"Roger Federer, the 13-time grand slam champion. Five Wimbledons, six US Opens and three Australian Opens he's won."
Sam Smith discussing whether Roger Federer will equal Pete Sampras's record of 14 Grand Slams - sounds like he's done that already! (Guy Haslewood, Shrewsbury).


"Marouane Fellaini is suspended for today's match, so he is sitting in the stand watching today's game. I'd hate to be the poor sod behind him, though."
BBC Live Text. Liverpool v Everton. (Stephen Tierney, Italy).

"Some of them need a cuddle and the only way they are going to get that is from the supporters."
Micky Adams encouraging free love between players and supporters. He doesn't seem to think his players have much luck with women... (Phil Herbert, England).

"It's all hands on deck."
Georgie Thompson reading autocue cards written by mischievous colleagues on Sky Sports News after it was revealed she's dating Dec of 'Ant & Dec' fame. Lucky Dec! (Scully, London)

"Jamie O'Hara came on at half time in the first leg and he was the catalytic converter for a Spurs comeback."
Sky commentator in the Burnley v Spurs game. (Andy, Leeds).

"It's given me a new fresh start."
Giles Barnes of Derby after regaining his place under Nigel Clough. As opposed to an old fresh start? (Conrad Edkins, Halifax).

"Everton players with their hands in their heads."
BBC Radio 5 Live commentary on Everton v Arsenal.
(Gwilym Lawrence, UK).

"We asked all the players to show a bit of pride in the jersey and I think they showed that tonight."
Brighton manager Micky Adams after the 0-0 draw with Leicester, where a kit clash meant they had the wear the Foxes' away strip. (Liam, UK).

"Liverpool now, who have lost only once this season, to one team; Tottenham, who have beaten them twice."
BBC Radio 5 Live presenter commentating on Liverpool-Wigan game. (Lee Shore, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

"Viva Da Silva, Viva Da Silva, when they're on the pitch, we don't know which is which, Viva da Silva!"
Man Utd fans on the debut of Fabio da Silva, twin brother of Rafael. (Idris, England).


"Commuters, commuters give us a song!"
Crystal Palace supporters on a train from London Bridge to Charlton. (JJ, UK).

"Are you watching ITV?"
Chanted by Kettering fans after equalising against Fulham. The game was not shown live. (Gary French, England).

"This stand's too small for us!"
Bradford City fans at Bury after the hosts let in too many travelling fans and they ran out of seats! (Danny Peers, Bradford).

"We're gonna fall in a minute!"
Exeter fans at Gillingham when the away stand started shaking. (Keiran Hutchins, England).

"Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Howard, Howard Webb, Howard Webb, Howard, Howard Webb!"
Wolves fans singing at Birmingham after Howard Webb provided an assist for the second goal. To the tune of 'Baby Give It Up' by KC and the Sunshine Band. (Ricky Garcha, England).

''Are you watching Merseyside?''
Manchester United fans after Wayne Rooney's goal wins the match against Wigan. (James Daniels, United Kingdom).

"Kaka, wherever you may be
Have you heard of Man City?
Never go there,
It'll end in tears,
They haven't won a trophy in 33 years."
Wigan fans to Man City. (Alex Raitt, England).

"We want five!"
Aberdeen fans while 4-2 up against Celtic. (Mark Watt, Scotland).

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

"Becks Dumps Posh!"
On the Leeds United official website after a Jermaine Beckford brace sinks Peterborough at Elland Road. (Ross McIntyre, UK).

[Adam Wrong]

Bath v Toulouse - Ellisalde starts at scum-half."
Sky Sports News ticker. (Nishant Mittal, UK).

I don't get it

also they have missed out on some great ones from Fulham at Kettering including...

'Bulllllard, break your leg! Bullard Bullard break your leg!'

money grabbing cunt

[Duckman]

Bath v Toulouse - Ellisalde starts at scum-half."
Sky Sports News ticker. (Nishant Mittal, UK).

I don't get it

It should read SCRUM half not SCUM.

Peace

Duckman

[Adam Wrong]

ah I auto read it as SCRUM so didn't notice

I love today about Charles Nzogbia complaining about Joe Kinnear calling him Charlie Insomnia

that is gonna be there next week

[Duckman]

I was just saying that to my mate at work, that has to be one of the funniest things a manager has said in a long time!

Plus Nzogbia is throwing a total bitch fit about it too, which just makes it even funnier!

Peace

Duckman