WWE RAW Results

[Triple B]

~RAW… IS… JERICHO~
Lillian Garcia announces the new world champion Chris Jericho, who comes to the ring looking like a smug bastard. I approve. He is Chris Jericho, and he is the new world heavyweight champion. If you didn't see Unforgiven, he'll explain what happened. They hate him. Last night he faces the wrath of a hypocrite names Shawn Michaels. He says he is a good man, turns the other cheek and all of that. But let me show you what he did to me last night.

~Jericho removes his shirt and shows his battered upper body~

Go ahead and get a close up, what kind of man would do this to another human being. Shawn Michaels would because he's a hypocrite. You people savored every moment of it. But when it all goes away, what did Shawn win? Nothing. He may have won the match and is at home celebrating with his precious family. The match was not sanctioned, and therefore it doesn't count. Shawn accomplished nothing. He accomplished this, winning the world title. Jericho smiles for the camera, and says he told us good things happen to good people. He is a righteous and good man, he does what he says he will do and now he is the champion. After his brutal beating, Mike Adamle told him that CM Punk was taken out by Orton, he took his place and he is the new champion. Not only did he beat Austin and Rock in the same night, now he beat Kane, JBL, Rey and Batista to become the champion again. Batista was so close, but he outsmarted him. Now we are forced to respect how good Chris Jericho really is. He isn't Shawn Michaels, he is better and the new champion.

Mike Adamle is out now and congratulates Jericho. CM Punk suffered a concussion last night and was not medically cleared to compete. He had to find a champion to replace him and Jericho answered the call. But CM Punk lost his title without having a chance to defend it. CM Punk is not here tonight, but NEXT WEEK, live on Raw, he will be given a chance to regain his title. CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho for the world title. And to ensure that no one gets involved, it will take place in a steel cage!

Jericho says he beat Punk in his hometown, and will beat him again next week. He will now take the title and leave. Adamle says there is more, he needs a main event for tonight. So tonight it will be Jericho vs. Batista!


-Beth Phoenix will defend the WWE Women's Title against Mickie James, NEXT!


-Candice Michelle and her horrible music make their way to the ring. She gets the winner at No Mercy in a title match.

WWE Women's Title Match: Beth Phoenix © vs. Mickie James

Lock up and a go behind by James. Beth picks her up and drops her throat first on the top rope. To the floor and Beth lays in the kicks and then tosses James into the steel post. Back in the ring and Beth works the arm. Picks James up by the arm and then drops her. James fights back, to the corner and Beth then pulls her off of the top rope. James counters the sling shot suplex, gets a neck breaker and follows with forearm strikes. Corner head scissors by James and a clothesline follows. Thesz press and rights by James. Beth hits the injured left arm, to the corner and James leaps over Beth and Beth then tosses her to the apron. Forearms by James, tries a head scissors by Beth gets an Alabama slam for the win.

Winner: Beth Phoenix @ 4:25 via pin

-Candice and Beth have a stare down.

-Jamie Noble hits on Layla and says she is his lucky charm. She was impressed by his win over Regal. He says that was the real Jamie Noble. He then has Jillian sing "Layla," which is as bad as you'd imagine. He demands his $5 back. Layla says she will go to the ring with him as he faces Regal again tonight, and he appreciates it. He will take her out after the win, OLIVE GARDEN, FIRST CLASS!


-Layla is smoking hot.

Jamie Noble w/Layla vs. William Regal

Regal attacks right away because Noble made fun of his leotard. Off the ropes and a head scissors by Noble. Rights follow, but Regal catches him with an overhead suplex. Knee drops by Regal and then chokes out Noble. Regal with the half nelson breaks Noble down to his knees. Noble fights back to his feet, rights to regal and a sunset flip is blocked by Regal. Side headlock by Regal, Noble to his feet but more knees by Regal. To the corner, boots by Noble and then a second rope missile dropkick gets 2. Enziguri by Noble to a downed Regal, Regal blocks a rolling charge and gets the running knee charge and that is all.

Winner: William Regal @ 3:00 via pin

-Regal has the mic and stands over Noble. He says happy endings only happen in fairy tales. Regal goes to the floor and looks at Layla, and offers his arm to her and she accepts. So, no Olive Garden tonight? Layla looks back at Noble, but still leaves with Regal.

-Later tonight it is Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne vs. The Miz and John Morrison.


-Someone is in the trunk of JBL's limo and yelling to get out…CHARLES HAAS LAYFIELD! He totally mocks JBL's gimmick and again pimps MAMAJUANA. Once again Haas shows more charisma doing other people's gimmicks than when he is himself.

-The crowd chants for CHL! JBL DOES NOT APPROVE! JBL says he is mocking him, you have got to be kidding me. DO you think that I, with my pedigree, do you think this is what I am? I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS! You will respect me, I deserve that. CHL kept holding up and pointing to a bottle of MAMAJUANA the entire time, classic.

JBL vs. CHL

JBL is not amused here. He drops to the floor and leaves. CHL wins via count out.

Winner: CHL @ 0:20 via count out

-That was the greatest thing I have seen ALL TIME, ALL MY LIFE!


-JBL walks backstage as various people laugh at him, including Batista. JBL is angered and says he knows they don't like each other, main eventers, and former champions. Batista should know how wrong it is for Haas to mock him. They have nothing in common. Batista agrees, because actually won a match tonight.

-Todd Grisham is with Rey Mysterio. No Mohawk for Rey tonight. Rey says he doesn't know why Kane attacked him. Kane left him in a parking lot, and Rey had to take time off. But he will never let what happened to him happen again. He needs to stand strong. Rey then says Kane claims that he is a victim, but his spirit is not dead. He is standing here and he is alive. He may always be an underdog, but he is no one's victim.

-Raw and ECW now have a talent exchange.


-Mike Adamle and Teddy chill backstage and plan a gangbang on Tiffany.

Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne vs. The Miz and John Morrison

Morrison and Bourne to begin. Lock up and to the corner they go. Bourne uses his speed to get a deep arm drag, and a cover for 1. He keeps the arm, tag to Ray and he comes in, off the ropes and a slide under Morrison but eats a right. Rey tries a head scissors, gets tossed about on his head, and Miz tags in and beats down Rey. Elbows to Rey and into an arm bar. Kicks by Rey to escape, to the corner and he fights off Miz and Morrison, and tags in Bourne. Flying knee attack by Bourne connects and a cover of Miz for 2. Rey tosses Morrison, and they Rey tosses Bourne to the floor into a RANA on Morrison! Bourne in, slams down Miz and goes up top…Morrison kicks him off of the top rope and he falls to the mat. Catapult by Miz into the elbow drop combo by Morrison. Morrison covers for 2. Chinlock by Morrison, Bourne works to escape and gets a backslide for 2. Tries for a tag, Morrison drags him to the corner and Miz is in and drops the elbow to Bourne. Chinlock by Miz, he fights out but Morrison tags in and Bourne fights them off, rolling tag to Rey! Double cross body! RANA to Miz and he goes to the floor! Kicks to Morrison and a cover for 2. Rey doesn't get up and about blows a head scissors. Morrison saves it. Miz trips up Rey on the 619 try and Morrison covers for 2 as Bourne makes the save. Rey moves and Morrison lays out Miz with the Asai spin kick. Head scissors by Rey on Morrison. Bourne tagged in, up top, SHOOTING STAR PRESS~! 1…2…3.

Make Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne a tag team and let these guys feud forever.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Evan Bourne @ 6:00 via pin

-Kane is in the screen and says he will face Rey next week. And Rey will understand why he is a victim. Kane chose him, and as for why, he won't tell him just yet. He gives Rey a hint as to why though, and holds up an old Kane mask.

-Randy Orton walks.


~THE LEGEND KILLER SPEAKS~
Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. Orton's mic doesn't work at first, he is not happy. He had a working one now. There is no worse feeling than having the title in your grasp, and then injury strikes and that doesn't allow you to compete. He is talking about himself. He broke his collarbone against HHH, and he couldn't retain his title. But unlike CM Punk, he actually earned his title. He won the main event at WrestleMania, Punk got lucky and Karma caught up to him. He took out Punk, a one armed man took out Punk. He was inured, concerned for his safety, and Punk shouldn't be mad, he should thank Orton for making sure he didn't get exposed. He would have been beaten over, and over, and over again. Jericho can thank him anytime he wants, because due to Orton, he is the champion right now. Make no mistake about it, and when he is 100%, he will beat Jericho and take back what is his.

Rhodes, Manu and DiBiase now make their way to the ring. Rhodes says that they had a part in taking out Punk, because if it wasn't for them, Orton wouldn't have punted Punk in the head. They beat him down, they took out Kofi as well. So do NOT take credit for something that he didn't do. Manu says Orton isn't the only one with talent and ability. Not the only one with a hall of fame father. Manu says Orton is NO BETTER than anyone of them. DiBiase says Orton slapped Cody, but last night, what they did was impressive. Orton PIMP SLAPS DiBiase and bails. Keep your pimp hand strong Randy.



Cryme Tyme and Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes, Manu and Ted DiBiase

Cody and JTG to begin. Lock up, to the corner and they get separated. Rights by JTG, a whip and boots by JTG. Knee to the gut by Cody, tag to DiBiase, drop toehold by JTG and a tag to Kofi. Corner wacky mount by Kofi, rights to DiBiase, nails Manu to the floor but then DiBiase knocks him to the floor as well. Manu works him over, rolls him backing and then Manu tags in. A slam and then the running head butt to Kofi and a cover for 2. Tag back to DiBiase, a slam and DOUBLE STOMP off of the 2nd rope by DiBiase that gets 2. Cody tags in and has a kneeling abdominal stretch applied on Kofi. Kofi escapes, forearms by Cody and then Kofi misses the cross body. Kofi gets a quick roll up for 2. Cody tags DiBiase, Shad gets tagged in and he cleans house. Clotheslines, press slam on Cody and then tosses JTG into Cody, and they fly to the floor. Powerslam on DiBiase, Manu in off of the blind tag and gets a toss into a neck breaker and that gets the win.

Winners: Cody Rhodes, Manu and Ted DiBiase @ 4:30 via pin

-Cody Rhodes, Manu and Ted DiBiase celebrate after the match as we see replays.


-I remember that I hate Time Warner as WWE shows a WWE 24/7 video package.

-Santino makes his way to the ring along with Beth Phoenix. He discusses the HONK-A-METER, which is up to 3-weeks. He already beat the Mountie, and is 19-times better than he was. Put that in your blog PEREZ HILTON!

Non-Title Match: Santino Marella © w/Beth Phoenix vs. Snitsky

Snitsky still has a job? Beth tries to distract Snitsky, but he beats on Santino as he yells for mercy. Snitsky tosses him to the corner, misses a boot as Beth pushes Santino out of the way, and Santino gets the roll up victory.

Winner: Santino Marella @ 1:00 via pin

-Santino and Beth make out after his grueling victory.

-Mike Adamle is with Kelly Kelly. They discuss the scramble and Adamle says he did what he had to do. Kelly feels bad for Punk. Jericho is here and dismisses Kelly. Jericho says facing Batista is unfair since he had two matches last night. He says he needs time to prepare for next week. Adamle says he did a favor for Jericho last night, and now he has to pay him back. Sucks to be Jericho.


-Next week we will see:
*Kane vs. Rey Mysterio
*Steel Cage World Title Match: Chris Jericho © vs. CM Punk

-Chris Jericho with his manservant Lance Cade make their way to the ring.

Non-Title Match: Chris Jericho © w/Lance Cade vs. Batista

Batista slams Jericho to the corner and then delivers a high hip toss. A whip by Batista to the corner and a big right level Jericho. Big boot to the face by Batista and a cover for 2. Batista then gets a powerslam and Jericho rolls to the floor.

Mike Adamle is out now and stops the match.

Winner: NO CONTEST @ 2:00

-Adamle says he is sorry and says he shouldn't have had Jericho out there. He needs a main event, so he has decided to even things up a bit. He now makes a handicap match, Jericho and JBL vs. Batista. We head to commercial.


Handicap Match: Chris Jericho w/Lance Cade and JBL vs. Batista

JIP from the commercial and JBL is in control and gets a cover for 2. Tag to Jericho, he lays the boots to Batista and then chokes him out. To the corner, rights by Jericho but Batista battles back. JBL tags in and he and Jericho beat down Batista in the corner. JBL gets a short-armed clothesline and repeated elbow drops. JBL covers for 2. Neck breaker by JBL and a cover for 2. Jericho tags in, slaps to Batista who then answers back with a huge right. Clothesline by Batista, he takes out Cade, JBL gets the clothesline from hell on Batista and Jericho slides in and steals the pin.

Winner: Jericho and JBL @ 3:00 (?) via pin

-Cade and JBL continue to beat down Batista. JBL asks who Batista is laughing at now and Cade continues to beat on Batista. Off the ropes and a double shoulder block by Batista! SPEAR on JBL! Spinebuster to Cade! BATISTA BOMB for Cade. It's hard being a manservant in 2008.

-Jericho holds his title on the ramp and stares down with Batista.

*End Scene…

[Bryan]

i have time warner too...

[Gary]

CHL was gold!

[Jay]

That reads like a decent show. I'm glad WWE's bringing it already storyline wise.

[Tezmission Black]

I think I could watch Orton slap or kick someones head in every show..its actually pretty entertaining ever since they stopped having him spit on people, and started letting Vickie do it.

[Black Death]

could they be bring themsevles out of the funk...