Quotes of the Week

[Duckman]

I nicked this off the BBC Sport website but I thought I'd share with you guys:

"I do not sleep with him. Where he was last night? I don't know."
Luiz Felipe Scolari insists his relationship with Didier Drogba is strictly above board - following rumours the striker met representatives of Inter Milan.

"I love my pink boots. I've wanted to play in that colour ever since I was young."
Nicklas Bendtner is tickled pink by his new acquisitions.

"Pink is a woman's colour, or so my missus tells me."
But former Chelsea hardman Ron 'Chopper' Harris is not so sure.

"I think he's lost the plot."
Roy Keane's biographer Eamon Dunphy on the Sunderland manager. The straw that broke the camel's back?

"I think I still have a couple of his studs in my ankle I can give back to him."
West Ham boss Gianfranco Zola has an early Christmas gift for Keano. He could do with some cheering up.

"Why would I pack it in at the moment? If my health deteriorated, that solves the problem for everyone. You would be rid of me for good!"
Sir Alex Ferguson is going nowhere - unless his body tells him otherwise.

"Do you spend time with your girlfriend? Do you go to the cinema with her? Would you like her to kiss you now and then? That's what Artur has done. I still go to the cinema with my wife. I still kiss her. She doesn't like it, but there you go."
Celtic manager Gordon Strachan sticks up for goalkeeper Artur Boruc after he was photographed drinking and smoking cigars in Poland.


"Sousa seems a nice fella and he's a smooth ******* so my wife will like him."
Neil Warnock pays tribute to new QPR boss Paulo Sousa.

"He always tries to have a good relationship with his managers and if you are going to leave he always sacks you nicely."
Walter Smith on the gentleman that is Rangers chairman Sir David Murray.

"Personally I don't like them and they'd probably say the same about me."
Ireland's Donncha O'Callaghan reveals the motivation behind his side's win over Argentina.

"New Zealand pull their trousers on one leg before the other like the rest of us."
England attack coach Brian Smith insists there is nothing special about the All Blacks, although they were certainly wearing the trousers at Twickers.

"I destroyed most things in the changing room. I was kicking everything I could lay my eyes on - doors, bins, cardboard boxes. I don't know what was broken and what wasn't."
Blackburn's Martin Olsson has a smashing time after being sent off at Spurs for persistently fouling Aaron Lennon.

"You can go to nice restaurants but you can't beat fish and chips, can you? My girlfriend Stacey is the same. Of course she likes nice clothes but she isn't one who likes to go to posh restaurants. She goes where I go - I am the boss!"
Middlesbrough defender David Wheater knows how to show a girl a good time.

"We need to put New Zealand where they haven't been for some time - under pressure."
England manager Martin Johnson ahead of the game at Twickenham. Yep, that worked, then.

"I looked around and there was Diouf sat there in a ginger wig!"
Bolton boss Gary Megson reveals his first meeting with former Wanderers star El Hadji Diouf.


"I'll be waiting at the airport when he flies back from Australia. I'll definitely be having a word with him."
Peterborough defender Tommy Williams on former pop star David Van Day, who has been winding up Williams' girlfriend Nicola McLean on I'm A Celebrity.

"I believe the Leeds chairman didn't know where Histon was and he Googled us."
Coach John Beck after putting Histon on the map with a shock win over Leeds in the FA Cup.

"When Mick was at Sunderland I played golf with him. He's a good golfer, I wasn't at the time but I want revenge. If he's on crutches then I can take him now!"
Birmingham defender Franck Queudrue hopes to take advantage of an under-par Mick McCarthy.

AND SOME FROM YOU

"Man City have scored in all of their home wins this year."
Sky's Rob Hawthorne commentating on the Manchester derby. (Guy Head, England).

"It would have to be a pretty big stand to fit Sylvan Ebanks-Blake on."
Peter Beagrie after the Wolves striker said the players wanted to become legends who had stands named after them. (Aaron, Stourbridge).


"Forest now prepare for their trip to the Bruce Rioch Arena to face Coventry."
BBC Radio Nottingham commentator. (Stuart, Melton).

"In the first half we showed some very, very good moments and it led to the goal which was a very, very good goal... sometimes you get caught deep and it's very, very difficult to get out."
New Watford boss Brendan Rodgers is very, very clear in his post-match comments after the 1-1 draw with Doncaster. (Mike Davis, UK).

"It's never over until it's over, but this is over."
Chris Kamara on Soccer Saturday updating viewers on Sunderland v Bolton. (Patrick Shields, Ireland).

"Wenger's team play football, so it's difficult to win."
Luiz Felipe Scolari before Chelsea's clash with Arsenal. Don't Chelsea play football as well? (Irtiza Rizvi, Pakistan).

"You have to win your home games at home."
Nottingham Forest boss Colin Calderwood after drawing the Doncaster game. Best place to win them if you ask me. (Alastair Hall, England).

"If they don't score, as they didn't against Sevilla, it is very difficult for them to beat teams."
Spanish football expert Guillem Ballague on Valencia. I'd say it was more impossible to win without scoring. (Craig, England).

"He did well because he's got legs."
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy explains why Andy Keogh did so well against Birmingham. (Jack, London).

"And Hamilton have come out on top, well I guess that was just academical really."
Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday after a Hamilton Academicals victory. (Chris Newell, UK).


"People back home will have been hurt by what they decided to do. Standing in the way like they did is asking for a fight."
New Zealand centre Ma'a Nonu complaining about the Welsh response to the haka. So standing still is asking for a fight, and performing a war dance isn't?! (D Jones, Wales).

"Strange, the council is not providing more than three bins these days."
Brian Moore commentating on the England v New Zealand match when another player got sin-binned. (Joe, England).

"Chelsea want to look behind and see the Champions League in their wardrobe."
Marcel Desailly on Football Focus. (Is that along with the lion and the witch?) (Paul Nathan).

"It's very pedestrianised."
Ex-Man City player Andy May commenting on the speed of play during the Schalke v City Uefa Cup match on BBC Radio Manchester. (Ben Cawley, Stockport).

"We know it is going to be very difficult because Mark McGhee and Scott Leitch are winners. They showed that last year by finishing third."
Aberdeen boss Jimmy Calderwood on Motherwell's coaching staff. (Davie, Edinburgh).

"Dirk Kuyt is like a bore at a party... ya can't get rid of him! He's got everything but ability."
RTE soccer pundit Eamon Dunphy speaks highly of the Dutchman. (Stephen Brennan, Ireland).

"And defeat to Stoke leaves West Brom more bottom than they were before the weekend."
Adrian Chiles on MOTD2 invents new degrees of bottomness for his own West Brom! (Phil, England).

CHANTS OF THE WEEK


"Are you Bournemouth in disguise?"
Portsmouth fans while 2-0 up against AC Milan. (Toby, UK).

"Can we play you every week?"
Pompey fans again. (Nigel Lavender, England).

"You're not very good!"
And again. (Nick Poling, Portsmouth).

"Are you Chelsea in disguise?"
Burnley fans to Arsenal after Kevin McDonald put the Clarets 2-0 up. (Stephen Brogden, Burnley).

"You got your stand from Ikea."
Millwall fans singing to Leyton Orient about their shoddy stand. (James Martin, England).

"What's that coming out of the fog, is it Steve Halford, is it Steve Halford?"
Droylsden fans to the tune of the Automatic's Monster during the fog-bound FA Cup game with Chesterfield. (Chris Booth, UK).

"Can you tell us when we've scored?!" and "We can't see you sneaking out!"
Chesterfield fans at the same game. (James, England).

"Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tommmm, Tommmm, Tommmm. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom... Huddlestone!"
Spurs fans to Tom Huddlestone to the theme-tune from Superman. (Justin Fleming, London). Try humming it without going into the Indiana Jones theme - Ed.

"4-1 - it's your keeper's fault."
Leeds fans to Northampton during the 5-2 FA Cup tie.

"League One - it's your chairman's fault."
Cobblers fans' instant reply. (James, England).

"Shall we buy you a defender?"
Man City fans to Arsenal during the 3-0 win. (John, England).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

Portsmouth Announcer: "Number 22 - Kaka!"
Crowd: "Who?"
Announcer: "Number 80 - Ronaldinho!"
Crowd: "Who?"
At Pompey-AC Milan. (Nick Poling, Portsmouth).

"Could Scott please come to the creche - your girlfriend is here and this game is boring."
Heard at Hearts v Falkirk. (HBOS, Scotland).

Peace

Duckman

[Rob]

Hehe some of those are actually really funny. My favourite has to be

"Are you Bournemouth in disguise?"
Portsmouth fans while 2-0 up against AC Milan. (Toby, UK).

Being a Palace fan from Bournemouth (means I hate AFC Shitemouth) makes this one extra good