The Shark Tank (Chicago)

[Mike Powers]

Greetings. I'm Jeremy Hawthorne, and I'm the luckiest man alive! I won over $350 million dollars in the lottery, and I used it to turn my life around! Fancy clothes, cars, food....but I'm still a man that loves a good fight at heart! I really don't care if we win, as long as I see someone get their face stapled to the canvas! Entertain me!


*****









My name is Bobby Lambert. Jeremy saw me walking down the street, and I made him laugh, so I got a job. Yeah, it's humiliating as hell, but where else can you earn 6 figures just be being a midget? Anyway, I'm here to help.

[GM Franchise]

Hi, my name is GM Franchise and I'm interested in running the Shark Tank. I have an extensive background in sports and have been involved in wrestling before. I've been watching wrestling since the late '80's and am a huge fan of the sport. I think I am the perfect guy for this job since I want to put on an entertaining product that will make you even more money. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

[Mike Powers]

Well hold your horses son, we've got time for all of that. My first question to you is......have you ever thrown a midget wearing a velcro suit into the wall until he sticks? Haha, that's some good fun right there. BOBBY GET IN HERE!

[GM Franchise]

Nope but that sounds awesome!

[Mike Powers]

BOBBY ENTERS WEARING A VELCRO SUIT AND A SAD EXPRESSION. JEREMY GESTURES TO THE TARGET AT THE WALL AND WAITS EXPECTANTLY.

[GM Franchise]

FRANCHISE PICKS UP BOBBY AND TOSSES HIM AT THE TARGET. BOBBY LANDS ON THE BULLSEYE IN THE MIDDLE AS FRANCHISE YELLS OUT "HELL YEAH!"

[Mike Powers]

JEREMY LOOKS ON, HIS FACE A MASK OF UNABASHED HORROR










My god, what the hell did you do to Bobby?!? What kind of a monster are you?!?

[Mike Powers]

AFTER MANY UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS, JEREMY BEGINS TO LAUGH, AND SLAPS FRANCHISE ON THE ARM, HARD










Ah, I'm just messin' with you Franchise!!  That was a damn good shot there!  Haha!  We just like to have fun here at that Shark Tank, ain't that right Bobby?

Anyway, peel 'ole Bobby off of the wall there, and tell me what qualifies you to lead a wrestling stable.  Aside from your good marksmanship that is!!

[GM Franchise]

I have an extensive knowledge of the sport. I followed mainly regional promotions when I was growing up most notably the ones in the Mid-South, Memphis, Florida, Georgia, Carolinas, Minnesota, and Texas. I like old school wrestling and I think that's the direction to go in. It was entertaining, crazy, the crowd was into it, and after watching the sport become stale I'd like to bring back that old time feel like from the '90's when it was hot. There was all kinds of stuff on a weekly basis. Basically entertainment value mixed with good in-ring action will equal both high ratings and lots of revenue from merchandise and ticket sales.

[Mike Powers]

The 90's are old school to you?  Damn Franchise, you're making me feel old!  Haha!!  I like your enthusiasm, and I like that you have a clear direction you'd prefer to head in.  Tell me, would you build the Shark Tank around a particular style of wrestling, or would you take a more rounded approach?

[GM Franchise]

More rounded approach is best. Keeps the product from becoming stale and makes it more exciting than just seeing the same thing over and over again.

[Mike Powers]

Alright, two more questions for you.  First, if you were to be named the President of the Shark Tank, where would you look to establish our camp?  And second, have you ever drank gasoline?  Some strange things came up when I googled you man.  Strange things.

[GM Franchise]

To answer your first question my preferences would be for either Memphis, Tennessee or Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I think those are the two best markets for a wrestling product. Secondly the gasoline thing was a prank for Punk'd on MTV. I like to be entertaining as you can tell.

[Chris Shields]

Mister Hawthorn, do yourself a favor and forget about that Franchise guy, and hire me. Chris Shields. Come on, that guy doesn't even have a real fist name. I'm the guy who is gonna make The Shark Tank into something great, and I'm gonna do it by making sure this team is filled with people who really like to punch other people in the face. You want someone who knows wrestling, I've been watching since before I could crawl, I've gone back and studied wrestling from the 50's, and before some jackass hit me in the knee with a steel pipe, I stepped into the ring. I've got a vision that I believe will go hand in hand with yours, and I am also a huge fan of midgets.

[GM Franchise]

Oh look, it's Chris Shields. I wonder how long until you have screaming tantrum and run home when things don't go our way....

Also I don't have a fist name.