in a spot..

[Knuckles]

figured id get some thoughts on this issue

my best friend is finally getting married and has told me since new yrs eve. his wedding day is new yrs eve THIS yr. the problem is his wedding is allowing any children. its going to be a late wedding into the night on top of the fact they didnt want kids period. just all adults given the occasion. he was best man at MY wedding yrs ago and wants me there for his.

my wife and i have her 3 kids (our kids) plus the newborn. we were planning on going until he told me no kids. now its a huge debate. on 1 hand, my wife is mad at me for even considering going alone and on the other, hes mad at me for taking her side. we been trying to come to a middle ground that doesnt seem to exist.

another factor thats added is the fact that the 12 yr old is turning 13 that same day (yes shes a new yrs eve baby) and my wife really cant be at home with 4 kids by herself for longer than maybe 8 hrs at a time being disabled. 

its just a shitty situation. thoughts?

[Drama Queen]

Going on the information you've shared with us, you back your wife up 100% in this situation. Your friend is a dick for putting you in this situation. I will elaborate more when I'm not in work.

[Fnord]

Get a babysitter.

[Talon]

Going on the information you've shared with us, you back your wife up 100% in this situation. Your friend is a dick for putting you in this situation. I will elaborate more when I'm not in work.

...but if you have family in the area and the kids are of the right age, getting family to watch your kids for one night isn't that bad.

So basically I agree with both Drama and Fnord. 

If you can't get family or a trusted sitter to watch the kids, I'd have to say sorry bro, but family first.

[Adam Wrong]

I have to say as someone who was setting up a wedding. The kids thing is a big issue. Your friend isn't a dick for not having kids. These events are basically extortionate amounts per head and they can pick and choose how they invite. The difference between having you there with your wife and having you there with wife and kids will be a matter of a few hundred dollars. Even more if they open it up to all kids.

Get a sitter if you can failing that, go alone but get some support in for your wife. A friend or relative etc. I don't see why you can't go alone. A baby sitter would be the best course of action enabling both of the invited people (you and your wife) to go.

When I was getting married, we made the decision to invite kids and it increased the cost of the wedding by 4 figures... weddings aren't cheap and don't doubt that your friend will be feeling awkward about putting you in this position

[Dorling]

I'd probably side with the wife here.

Yes, you want to be with your mate but if it's the kids birthday AND you have 4 kids to look after, getting to the wedding is going to be difficult.

If it's local, see if you can get there for the important bit, but if he judges you for leaving to be with your friends it's harsh on his part.

[Drama Queen]

Just to clear up, I'm not saying he's a dick for not allowing kids, I mean he's a dick for taking offense.

Having said that, I have a dim view of the importance society places on weddings to begin with, maybe I'm not the best judge.

[Fnord]

But you also have to take into considering that he WAS there for your wedding.

[Talon]

Wife and kids birthday > Wedding you're attending and not actually a part of.

If he was asking you to be his bestman like he was for yours, I'd maybe make a different choice, but I'm not missing my kids birthday for anything.

[¿PapaPancho?]

Wife and kids birthday > Wedding you're attending and not actually a part of.

If he was asking you to be his bestman like he was for yours, I'd maybe make a different choice, but I'm not missing my kids birthday for anything.

[Fnord]

Yeah, but couldn't the birthday be in the day and the wedding at night?

[Talon]

If it is, then I don't know why it would be an issue in the opening statement. 

I wouldn't alter my kids birthday party to fit someone else's agenda, if that person doesn't have room for my kids at their wedding.

I'm also way family oriented, so my opinion could be wrong for others. 

[Fnord]

Oh... well I'm the opposite of way family oriented. lol

[¿PapaPancho?]

Never take sides against the family.

[Knuckles]

oh no i dont think he is being a dick for it. he has a 2 yr old himself who wont be there.there r also other family members going who have kids that wont be attending. about 150 guests all adults. im assuming the ceremony is around 6/7 then its adults til new yrs ball drop. i should also mention that i live in colorado and id be travelling to connecticut for this. also my daughters bday party will be after we get back so the family can all celebrate things. wedding is the 31st (sat) so bday party would be the 1st (sun) after we get back. we plan on only going for 3 days at most.

me and the wife were talking and so far the plan is to leave them in the hotel room. she will be 13, the next is 8, the next is 6 and the newborn will be 10 months by then. im looking into a cousin in PA coming up to help us for the night.