OUT OF CHARACTER BOARD

[Jon]

How is it baffling when it's obvious what I'm saying? lol

The fact that you completely changed the subject. Mind must still be in Mexico, eh?

[GM Franchise]

guys ... it over ...

fucking Stephen A and Skip


I maybe black , but i am not Kerri Champion ... it over.

Yeah it is over. I'm done talking about it. Waiting for someone to go raid Virginia at this point.

panties... do I look like this

I approve of this post.

[GM Franchise]

The fact that you completely changed the subject. Mind must still be in Mexico, eh?

[Ty]

You're going to be having a vacation from this anyways when Ian is taking a break from the game.

Just relax, flipping heck! You take this game far too seriously.

Psst, im not being serious dude

[¿PapaPancho?]

Well as long as James want's to keep this Skip Franchise stuff up ... I volunteer myself to be Masked Julio Rose

Jalen Rose Destroys Skip Bayless

[GM Franchise]

I like how you're trying to instigate all of this again when all parties involved have said that the debate is over.

[Hondo]

I wish y'all would quit already.

[Mike Powers]

Who's on first?

[Rob]

I wish y'all would quit already.

I agree with Uncle Jack

[GM Franchise]

I have quit talking about it. Said that a few posts back.

[Jon]

Party poopers.

[GM Franchise]

I like the trade talk going on between Ty and Powers. Very intriguing especially with the chemistry the players involved have with the players on their teams.

[Strike]

FBL-A-Palooza Part X7: The Showcase of (Non)Immortals
Where the weird is just more likely to get weirder!
By "That Strike Guy" on March 11, 2013


If there is one thing that always holds true, it is that we're overflowing with killer story lines as we head closer and closer to an eleventh season of FBL playoffs! We've already seen what happens when Chucky Dorrance gets exposed to this thing we call "real life" and more likely than not, another player is going to see somebody climbin' in their windows and trying to snatch people up like Alex K on Mardi Gras. But enough about Kenny Freeman's distant cousin, let's get to banging out (hold the Mike Flips jokes, please – we'll have plenty of time for those here today) a late midseason mailbag. As always, these are actual e-mails from completely fictional (and delusional) readers.

Q: Who will win the tag match, The Vrabas or Geoff Fardy and GM Jon?
- James V., San Diego, CA

TSG: Ah yes, the entire debacle that has taken on a life of its own since the events that have occurred in Virginia over this season. We all know Cazluc Vraba was one missed shot away from going into "jumping on gravel from the top off a car and calling it suicide" mode and the All-Star three-point contest proved to be the absolute perfect storm for him. Between Fardy's devotion to these Colonial men translating into crappy poetry and wrestling moves to a woman that makes Zipporah Franks look like a fair maiden and the in-office sexual/racist events that led to GM Jon's arrest in a Manassas jail for the better part of a week...

Welp, between all the missed roundhouses, crowd spots, possible El Stingo interference and an anti-climatic ending, it's going to be an overbooked barn buster. Kinda like Eddie Phoenix's reign as CRW World champion, except with a bit more heat.

(Kidding, Eddie. But ¡ARRIBA DIEGO! for life)

Q: What teams do you think are the most fun?
- James F., Honolulu, HI

TSG: I'm totally into those Denver Landslides of the FHL – they just got done beating the Illinois Whitehawks and California Dolphins in a row. Trust me...big wins and all that. Oh, I guess I'm a fan of the way that the Puerto Rico Waves are playing as of recent too – they play an up-tempo style of basketball and Troy Marshall leading that offense has been the stuff of legends this season. I don't think we've seen this level of a MVP-caliber season since Eddie Lights during Seasons 6 and 7...and that is some high praise, right there, given that it's not as if Lights has lost a step. Although he did lose his smile when he was a Boise Spud for the better part of 48 hours. Speaking of the Spuds...

Q: What in the world is Pu Ta To thinking?  First he trades for all the Mississipi Steamers players but leaves behind their best one while trading every good player he had AND every coach he had ... and then bringing back the same GM who assembled that Steamers team in the first place after being caught with his coach in the middle of coitus!  There has to be an answer that involves the words "nude photos" and "or else"
- "The Last Spud Fan Alive" Curly Fry, Boise, ID

TSG: You do realize this is also the same owner who once hired Franchise to run the ship with a bunch of roleplaying rookies (whose only bright side was seeing one of the Ferndale trio, which got stale after they watched Mason Griffin put 37 points on their squad in a row), Moses Franks at coach AFTER the prior GM let Redford Shack and Flan Bulous basically walk for greener pastures (and with a few extra stylish coats, given Flan's taste in fashion), yes?

Q: Who makes worse trades, the team owners or GM Franchise?
- El Matador de Pollos, Tijuana, Mexico

TSG: Valid question. While the ingenuity of a pair of owners (we won't be speaking names...but one is associated with potatoes and the other made his living/retirement home/a coat made of hookers' faces on smut) pretty much landed Anchorage a shutdown pair that's very likely going to haunt the Western Conference in Season 12 (and beyond, provided Lucic doesn't hang up the sneakers), let's take a look at the history of Franchise trades:

• The number #8 (which eventually went to Boston, Bob Breaker) and #16 (D'Amore Richards) overall picks in Season 6 from Las Vegas for Eddie Lights
• Three-team trade where the Stallions got Kamil Bennett, Toppers 1st round pick (Season 7 – Hans Stimmar), Bells got Willie Davies and the Toppers got Kadeon Apollo, Stars S7 2nd round pick (Sunshine Stream) and their own 2nd round pick back (Tony Luco) from the Stallions.
• Eventually turning around and trading Apollo (even if Biology had taken him over) alongside James Cross and Sheldon Day to the Hollywood Stars for Truck Lynch, Smiley Huffers and Sparky Weasel
• ...D'Amore Richards to the Bells for Tony Massimo
• ...then sending Tony Massimo to the Stars for a S8 2nd rounder (Ramick Lazco) and...get this...SCOUTING REPORTS!

Note that this is just his history during his time in SEATTLE...

Seriously, not even Jordan Brandon could dream up a more reckless GM than this guy!

(Don't you bring up Spike Spillbury, former GM of the FHL's New York Peninsula and Mick DiVietro's 15 year, $67.5 million contract...DON'T YOU DO IT!!!!)

Q: Will Chuckles Tree or Sabba have a heart attack by the end of the season?
- Clipper, Los Angeles, CA

TSG: Sabba's already a few steps ahead of Chuckles, given what happened during preseason. Y'know, clumsy and dim as he may be, Chuckles is probably one of the nicest players one will meet. He always seems to have a fun time just getting in the court, bless his soul. Not to mention signing autographs for all five of his fans during pre-game warm-ups. Although Hayseeds fans aren't too happy with the fact that last call has been adjusted to happen just after half-time instead of the third quarter, too afraid that Chuckles over there tries to raid the entire supply if he scores more than a point in a game.

...you watch it happen, Hayseeds fans. You just watch.

Q: What's your verdict on the two new expansion teams that came into the FBL this season?
- Eileen, Chicago, IL

TSG: It's been a very interesting thing to watch – Providence looked a little rocky at the start, but with a top-tier coach like Bogolov, the FBL's future in Scott Cunningham (you just watch, world) and a good core behind him already with his old partner Bobby Chang at the 1 spot, a resurging Kadeon Apollo and guys like Kradle, Butch Paul, O'Neal and Bael playing their roles, Providence is looking to make some noise in the East. Honolulu, on the other hand, not off to the best start. Their GM seemed a bit too overwhelmed in press conferences, George Nest decided he enjoyed the beaches more than coaching a basketball team, then there was the Creed Jackson PR debacle and now that GM Underpants was relieved of his duties, Franchise has taken the team over, Creed Jackson is off to Pittsburgh in a multi-man trade, Lucic is a Glacier due to a trade done by their owner and...well, survey says that it may be a while before the Volcanoes erupt in the West.

Q: Did the Commissioner give GM Franchise Honolulu because he expects Global Warming to finally rid him of the GM that won't go away.  HOW DOES HE STILL HAVE A JOB!!??
- The Hot Lava Crew, Honolulu, HI

TSG: (Thinking)

(Still thinking)

...

(Still thinking)

...I got nothing.

Q: When did "SHACKPOT" become the catchiest phrase in all of sports? I was so confident that it'd be something more like "The dice comes loaded!"
- Sandy, Las Vegas, NV

TSG: ...

Shut up Sandy, you're drunk!

Q: Did GM Shields just pull a Michael Shawn when he lost his smile?  Michaels didn't want to drop the belt so he faked an injury to avoid Grett Bart at ManiaWrestle 13.  Fast Forward to November and Shawn is screwing Grett over throwing him out of the company and taking the belt off him.  How is that any different from Shields retiring from the Blades out of concern for his schedule and then coming back no less than 6 weeks into the season on the Colonials!!  I get the guys got a good reputation but he just went from Greg Walton and Dre Majors to Clint Danberry and Ricky Hallmark!
- Diego de la Vega, Mexico City, Mexico

TSG: The accompanying video for that e-mail...

Shawn Michaels - Tell Me a Lie

Q: You have established the Levels of Losing. This whole Cedric Malone thing has got me thinking of the Levels of Indefensibly Defending Sports Figures. There has to be a certain level to where you can't defend your favorite stars without coming off as a pathetic, nonsensical fan. If there were five levels in all, the Bad Boys of Seattle supporters would be the highest (Level 5). Closeness Brothers' fans are a 4 but dying to be a 5. Every Montana fan that's even dreaming of defending Cedric right now would probably be a 3 (with the chance to climb). This idea is in its infancy stages, how can you help?
—Joe, Syracuse, NY

TSG: Oh come on, you barely need any tweaking! You were right there like the Hayseeds on the verge of a title until X and GoGo retired! Oh fine, I'll help. You should have gone with six levels (you missed one).

Level 1: Reserved for harmless stuff — like Texas fans defending Willie Davis every time he acted like a bully or a complete a-hole after blocking a shot on somebody (just due to the whole 'because he's on our team and we love him and that's what you do when it's your guy'), or Cowgirls fans blindly defending Antonia Roma's litany of choke jobs just because they love Antonia Roma, or Hollywood (and Puerto Rico...and Virginia...) fans refusing to admit that Scott Fletcher is an occasionally dirty player, or Wyoming fans arguing that Larry Stevens really DID have some clutch moments (cue Seattle fans sighing and shaking their heads). All benevolent fan-defending goes here.

Level 2: A blown-out version of the first level — the stakes are a little higher only because there's a little more of that hits-too-close-to-home sensitivity. Like how Crows fans fly off the handle every time someone jokes about Bay Louis's incident from 2000 or Stallions fans after Nestgate. Yes, you could throw Calamenta and the Wolves fans in here.

Level 3: Any longtime R.J. Gimpson fan now making the "If we're going to make excuses for Senior Beau, why can't we make the same excuses for everything that happened to R.J. after he retired? What if he has CTE, too?" defense. This gets its own level. Jury is still out on the CTE R.J. defense. I wouldn't start pushing for it yet – could easily go the way of Cazluc Vraba's Wacky Adventures in Puerto Rico.

Level 4: Any Wyoming, Virginia, Puerto Rico, Anchorage and Virginia (again) fan pushing the whole "Look, Cazluc is the one who's a victim here!" scenario. If you play the misunderstood/tortured soul angle hard enough, the "victim" door is juuuuuuuuuuuuuust open enough that they don't sound completely insane. Just marginally insane.

Level 5: Anyone defending cheaters of any kind with the always hilarious "We don't know for sure" defense or the equally hilarious "Come on, everyone may likely be cheating, any competitive person would have done what they did" defense. All PED defenses go here. So does everyone defending Mance Barnstron's last two decades of lying/cheating/bullying/threatening/intimidating because "he did some real good, too."

Level 6: Not gonna lie...definitely the Seattle Toppers' Bad Boy era. Just, there's really no way you can defend that nonsense. At all. I still credit it as the reason why Ted Mackay went senile after a trip to Hollywood and why Mike Flips went from sound basketball mind to the guy better known for porking Moses Franks' sister and Flipsopoly.

Q: Who is better, Chucky Dorrance or Moses Franks?
- "BBFL" Jim, Seattle, WA

TSG: Somewhere out there, Mitcah Verenko and his 3.1 turnovers a night are crying that he's not in contention for this "esteemed" award.

Plus, Moses Franks blocked five shots once. Yeah. That game actually happened.

I still wonder who was on top of his sister that night...

Q: While we may have been the last undefeated team in the FBL, the idea of a Dorling-led Las Vegas Aces meeting us in the FBL Finals scares the living piss out of me. That no-good, loudmouthed S.O.B. has seemingly been our practical boogeyman ever since he started GMing the Colonials. First, it was fun and games...his teams would get close but not beat us. Then, all the sudden the bastard gets his hands on Fletcher and we're biting his damn dust until he moves to Vegas...God almighty, let it be anyone but the Aces in the West.
—Josh, Paducah, KY

TSG: With the exception of their Week 9 game in Season 8 (104-88 Hayseeds) and Week 5 of Season 10 (105-98 Colonials), if research does not fail me (more often than not, it doesn't) no game between points in Hayseeds vs. Dorling era Colonials games did the winning team win by more than 5 points. Which is downright impressive. Then consider the team that Dorling assembled in Vegas and well, Josh, I can understand why you're scared. However, don't think for a second that much like BJ Winchester that GoGo Frazier would LOVE to stick it to old Johnny Bunt for a third time in some odd years, if both teams do get to that point. The road to the FBL Championship is a trick one, my friend. Nobody ever saw the Montana Bears making it to the dance last season given the rough patch they went through since the franchise's inception.

Q: I know you are all for conspiracy theories and such, but doubting the good word of a great American like Vernon Nelson when he claims GM Bone is an unpatriotic swine leads me to ask you this, Strike Guy...are you, indeed, a filthy terrorist from South America?
- Paulie, Boston, MA

TSG: Welp, time to start our competition for snarkiest e-mail to end this mailbag...

Q: El Stingo...great Mexican luchador...buys an FBL expansion team and moves it to Alabama.  Ned Zolter does not approve.
- "We The People," Washington, DC

TSG: Getting warmer...

Q: TyTy burns through more FBL franchises than the Ontario Maple Leafs run through #1 centers before trading them away and stockpiling for mediocre talent that never turns out to be anything special.
- David, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

TSG: Ladies and gentlemen, your Season 9 Ontario Maple Leafs. Oh, almost there...

Q: Weeks ago, your declaration of support for a possible Texas Stallions playoff run just couldn't be more preposterous. They're now missing their second best scorer in Xavi Madrid, operating on a seven man rotation and Brandon Carty's probably soiling his pants now that his son declared for the draft. C'mon Strike Guy...that's like saying Leander Apollo, and not Jason Proctor, was the better half of the Marriage of Convenience!

TSG: (Too afraid to say anything)

Q: SUCK ON MY MVP AWARDS, MAURICE! I'M RICH, BITCH!!!!!!!!
- "Mike Flips," Moses Franks' Sister's Hideous Ass

TSG: ...yup, these are my readers!


"That Strike Guy" (a.k.a. the guy behind the @EMBRACEBOGOLOV Twitter account) is a resident columnist for FBL Basketball Monthly. For every Strike Guy column and podcast alongside Cousin Libre, log on to LightningLand.

[Jennifer]

We got height.

[J-Reb]

We got height.

I like the second deal of getting Walls to play behind Nelson.  I think that's a good fit and someone will finally be able to get something out of Walls.